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There is no shortage of parenting advice. What is interesting is how much energy and intention goes into helping new parents while so little goes into sustaining veteran ones. Do we stop being new parents when our children sleep through the night, eat solid foods, potty train, or go to kindergarten? Or is it when they graduate high school?
Have their own first child? The truth is, we are not only always parents, but we are also always new parents. As my daughters grow and become young women, I draw upon my own more relevant and recent experience to coach, guide, and support them. But how, as a woman, can I be a good mom to my grown sons? How could I possibly relate to being one? So, I began researching. I sought and continue to seek to understand what exactly an adult-ish man needs from his mom.
My boys are twenty and twenty-four, both collegiate athletes, one a military academy graduate of military studies, and one still in college. One is fully adulting; one is in the throws of figuring it all out. But as we sat down to really dive into what good momming looks like for grown sons, a few common themes emerged. They pulled from their own experiences and those of their colleagues, teammates, friends, superiors, and those in their charge. Our sons want to know they are not alone now that they are grown.
They need our consistency in messaging regardless of external factors. They rely on our unflappability. Boys, especially busy boys, may seem annoyed by or unappreciative of the organizational and self-care lessons we teach, but those lessons are imperative to their future success.
Simple things like proactively keeping a bedroom clean, staying on top of laundry, and organizing a book bag are early lessons in efficiency and effectiveness. They matter. Teaching young boys to care for themselves will make it easier later when it matters more. Like women, men can feel lonely, even more so in large groups. Our young men can be surrounded by others and still be lonely.