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We are lean, independent and non-profit. Support us by joining Humanists UK. I suppose a garden in south London is a strange place for an epiphany but then that's the nature of epiphanies. Alcohol might have had something to do with it. But there I was, the worse for a bottle of Rose, or 'day wine' as it is known in our house, discussing politics with friends.
When suddenly it struck me. I had missed my calling. All this time I've been churning out books when what I really should be doing is standing as a Conservative MP. I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before. I am a natural Tory girl. I have a plummy voice and a peachy bosom, I am against crime and the causes of crime.
I'm for education, education, education even if Stalin did say it first. And I'm soft on porn, hard on drugs and clearly David needs me. His short lists are so short that even ex-Coronation Street actors can make them. In fact he is so keen on the ladies joining his party that if you put your name on the list you're in.
Like a provincial nightclub where the girls get in free, David's so desperate for dollies that I might actually stand a chance. But before I shell out on a turquoise power suit and some vote-me shoes, my friends remind me that I don't exactly have the most unblemished of pasts. In fact, it is more podium in a nightclub, than pillar of the community. As the former Rave correspondent of the Independent newspaper yes, there was one I did spend quite lot of time enjoying the great outdoors until the early hours of the morning.
I did gather in convoy on the M25 and, along with 10, or so of my closest friends, tip up somewhere to listen to loud records. A few vitamin pills might have been involved in me staying up all night, but I have to say that was due to pressures of work.