Posted July 30, Reviewed by Kaja Perina. Communicating about your sexual desire is crucial for a satisfying sex life, but it can be one of the hardest things for couples to do.
Celia avoided talking to Adam, because she was afraid to hear that he was bored with her. It requires sharing very private aspects of yourself, which can be uncomfortable. In our research, we followed couples for a year, and those who talked constructively had more satisfying sex and generally happier relationships. So even though sexual conversations can be tough to navigate, exploring these issues effectively is worthwhile.
Our research also makes clear that people who are secure in their relationship are more likely to talk about intimate topics and to experience fulfilling sexual lives. In our research, when people blame their partner or themselves, like Celia did, it only makes the situation worse.
Being up-front about your needs and desires is a far more effective way to get what you want than hoping your partner can read your mind. You might also be worried that talking will destroy the magic. It is important to pick the right moment to raise sensitive matters.
Do it when you both have the time and energy for a vulnerable conversation. This might require immediate feedback, so what do you do? Our research suggests that communicating your pleasure or displeasure during sexual activity nonverbally rather than verbally might be the best strategy. Talking during sex might be distracting and ruin the moment.
