Dear Carolyn: My ex-wife and I divorced 21 years ago. I had a one-night stand, and she told me to hit the road. I married the one-night stand, and that marriage did not work. We had one son together, and over the years we have been together for milestones in his life.
He has been highly successful in his career, but his current job is stressful. He confided both to his mom and me that he has had some very dark thoughts, including of suicide. He is getting professional help. I called the ex and suggested the three of us sit down to do whatever we can to help him. She responded that she could not do that due to her hatred of me. I am so sorry to hear your son is in crisis. No doubt you are terrified β and the impulse to work together as a family to help him was a good one.
Unfortunately, to the question of creating a united front, you already have your answer: No with a capital N. Few looking at this objectively would agree that a decades-old grudge takes precedence over the needs of your imperiled son. OK then. Also: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, I feel like I have so much untapped potential β that I could be a loving, supportive, fun partner and maybe even who knows? What do you advise? Not to put yourself online, necessarily β but to wrench yourself out of your comfort zone in some way you find bearable.
Or least unbearable. Have you ever taught writing? Schools have communities, communities have people in them. New ones. Some of them possibly even single, stout, shy, inexperienced and nearly 50 themselves, or open to being wowed by someone who is. On that, by the way: When was the last time you sat down in a busy public place and people-watched long enough to see a good sampling of coupled people? Our critical inner voices be damned, people still mate for personality or, alas, lack thereof.
Common complaint. So, put your therapy toward anxiety management, then pick something to shake up. Seek adventure as end, not means. Email Carolyn at tellme washpost. Feeling chilled to the bone while fishing in January is an endurable compromise for doing something you love. I think we need to be a united front for his wellbeing.
