Having relationship problems? They could be caused by the attachment style you developed as an infant. By understanding insecure attachment styles such as anxious attachment or avoidant attachment, you can build stronger, healthier connections. Attachment styles or types reflect how you behave in a romantic relationship and are based on the emotional connection you formed as an infant with your primary caregiverβoften your mother.
According to attachment theory , pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth, the quality of the bonding you experienced during this first relationship often determines how well you relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout life.
If your primary caretaker made you feel safe and understood as an infant, if they were able to respond to your cries and accurately interpret your changing physical and emotional needs, then you likely developed a successful, secure attachment. As an adult, that usually translates to being self-confident, trusting, and hopeful, with an ability to healthily manage conflict, respond to intimacy, and navigate the ups and downs of romantic relationships.
Infants with insecure attachment often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others, limiting their ability to build or maintain stable relationships. As an adult with an insecure attachment style, you may find it difficult to connect to others, shy away from intimacy, or be too clingy, fearful, or anxious in a relationship. In other words, you have an insecure attachment style. Of course, experiences that occur between infancy and adulthood can also impact and shape your relationships.
However, the infant brain is so profoundly influenced by the attachment bond , understanding your attachment style can offer vital clues as to why you may be having problems in your adult relationships.
