Dating these days is like something out of a made-for-TV Halloween special. Over the summer and again in November, the New York Times committed a good amount of print space to the act of ghosting , or the childish act adopted by grown-ups of giving someone the silent treatment… permanently.
The November New York Times Modern Love piece on ghosting followed the progressing mental stages of a woman who had just been ghosted by a guy she had been seeing for two weeks. But her piece made the point that the silence forced on us by the ghoster is a trigger. Being ghosted is just like any other kind of break-up — it can lead us to believe we are unloveable. Like ripping off the band aid, or a single shot to the head.
Maybe we can be friends? Chris is a guy I had a handful of working day midday dates with. I was just out of a long term relationship. He worked in a building a 5 minute jaunt from my office and lived in a rented house 15 minutes from where I lived. He liked outdoor things and to read books, real books as opposed to a Kindle.
Sometimes, we ran into each other in the Wednesday Farmers Market. When we sat down to lunch or a coffee break, it was a pleasant hour or so. A partial lie — had he been a little different, had things felt a little different, I would have been ready to date again.
Chris and I never hung out again. But not because someone pulled a disappearing act. We wanted different things and paid each other the courtesy of sharing that fact. But had I ghosted him, would he have been surprised or hurt? Probably not. It was a few public sightings, exchanges, and some dates. You can leave out The Why, because The Why is only important if you want to try to fix things.
