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This is more or less how it goes every night. When the kids are here, I read to Pearl and say goodnight to V before locking up. Some nights, I get sucked into working late or just fucking around online. Yesterday at the end of my run, I saw the fox again, the one who makes the occasional appearance in our driveway. He crossed the street and trotted down towards the woods near Sunset Farm.
My mind wandered to tattoo daydreams. Then I was home and the sweat was pouring and I was proud of myself for moving my body. I took a cold shower and shaved my legs and drank cold water and forgot what day it was. Self-employment is a lot of things. One of them is flexible. Sometimes I forget this and I revert to treating my life, not to mention my writing, like something to squeeze in around the edges. Then I remember that no one in said group is checking their watch.
I am all the things. This is both amazing and challenging. Today, I watched a video by a writer I admire. The video had nearly 35, views. I do not know how that happens. I do not know if that even matters. Thanks, Moon. The moon always has the best timing. Today, I ran again. Just me and my tiny iPod shuffle and the midday sun. I ran north to UMass and around the little pond in the middle of campus.
There was a group of young adults milling around with matching blue backpacks. Many of the women wore colorful headscarves and I imagined that they were a visiting group of students here for some summer program. I thought about the Travel Ban and wondered what country they were from. Just like that. Summer and I are old friends. We both enjoy fresh-water swimming and napping in hammocks and ice cream for dinner. Everything seems a little more do-able. My daughter is quick to correct me if I say there are more hours in the day, but she knows what I mean.
I am a goner for heat and light. On my bedside table, so many books. Half-read books, unread books. Paperbacks, hardcovers. On my head, more grey hairs every day. I pluck them, not in battle but more like a new hobby. My skin is changing. My life is changing. Our lives are always changing.