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Posted February 13, I did a radio interview on romance the other day in which they played a clip from Casablanca and pointed out that it has been named the most romantic movie of all time. Now why does the movie merit this distinction? Lots of reasons, I suppose, but one of the most important is the fact that the wildly romantic couple-played, as everyone knows, by Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman-part at the end of the movie, never to meet again.
That's even more romantic than the movies that present about 90 minutes worth of evidence that the couple will never get together and then, in the last five minutes, bring them into happily-ever-after coupledom. I mean, what could be more romantic than a couple who never becomes a couple? Of course, the fact that the best romance is exemplified by people who are permanently separated is somewhat odd in a society in which it is taken for granted that couples who love each other will be together permanently, as in married.
It's also kind of odd that we, probably without ever thinking about it, use the word "love" to refer to two completely different experiences: the feeling of commitment between family members and long-term couples and the feeling of longing one can develop for a person one is not or cannot be together with.
And using the same word for these two things leads to the confusion that they are the same thing, that one should feel longing-type love for someone one is not separated from. This isn't just some strange social and psychological mistake. All societies have stories and myths that reinforce their fundamental values.
In North American society, one of the most important values is romance. Romance is love as we imagine it, perfect love, not love as it actually plays out in reality. And this perfect love is so satisfying and exciting that most of us are convinced to enter into, and to try to sustain, life-long commitments.