When you think of a dom and sub relationship, your mind might immediately go to Fifty Shades of Grey , but there's so much more to it than what we usually see in pop culture. A dom-sub relationship is more than the whips, ropes, and role play. A dom-sub relationship is a common way people who are interested in BDSM and kink may choose to engage with each other.
Dom is short for dominant, while sub is short for submissive. These terms describe the two roles that partners may choose to take on within a sexual or romantic relationship. The best way to think of a dom-sub relationship is as "a consensual, eroticized exchange of power," a definition that was introduced by Cynthia Slater, an early leader in the SF Bay Area BDSM community, according to sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.
Dom and sub relationships are represented by the "DS" in the acronym BDSM , which stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. So, a dom acts upon or does things to a sub. This is consensual and negotiated, such that the acts performed are within the sub's boundaries of what they would like to experience and within the boundaries of what the dom wishes to do.
The notion of power exchange implies relative equality between the two or more partners, not a permanent state of inequality since you cannot exchange power if you don't have some to start with.
It can involve service, exhibitionism , the other elements of the BDSM acronym bondage, discipline aka spanking or impact play, sadism and masochism aka eroticizing intense sensation ," Queen explains. But most importantly, your role is to hold the space of trust and exercise control with responsibility. As a submissive, your desire is in consensually agreeing to relinquish control and surrender and submit to the direction, leadership, or guidance of the dominant.
