You would in this instance go to NAIA. Here is a little of what you might experience there. Be aware that nothing you read here can possibly be as bad as the real thing, so in order to make your experience reading this blog closer to reality, I will ask you to leave your computer for a moment, procure yourself a pair of chopsticks, sharpen the tips, and ram them into your eyeballs.
Push them all the way through your amygdala, through your corpus callosum, until the sharpened tips strike the rear of your skull in the vicinity of your pons. Then read on. Naturally the driver will tell you the meter will not work, and the price is three hundred pesos, even though you can see for yourself the display tells you that the price is currently seventy pesos.
However, this is only after you have fought World War Three with him. When you first enter his taxi, he will repeatedly attempt to get you a girl. He will tell you the price is only pesos. For this price you could almost buy yourself a cruise ship. He will ignore everything you say, and repeatedly attempt to take you to a nice girl, very young. You must fight world war three with him, without making him upset, as Filipinos are the most volatile people on earth if they feel offended, and will kill anyone who offends them.
The Philippines has had more journalists murdered in the last five years than Iraq. This is completely true. If you are a terrorist, just drive straight through without stopping, and nothing will happen to you, as the security guards cannot run as fast as your taxi, and by the time they have drawn their guns and accidentally shot one of their number, you will be safely out of range. At the entrance to the airport you will reach something called a, Security Checkpoint.
This is a collection of poles holding up a strip of corrugated iron roof. It has four lanes, with four security guards holding torches. If you are a terrorist, just drive straight through without stopping, and nothing will happen to you, as the security guards cannot run as fast as your taxi, and by the time they have drawn their guns and accidentally shot one of their number, you will be safely out of range, and at the airport entrance fifty yards away. There you may safely blend into the crowd of thousands who have been waiting to enter the front doors since the time of the T-rex.
